A few months ago I was visiting a friend while her son was in hospital. (Her son Joel was diagnosed with a type of brain cancer in March I believe..you can follow her blog On The Old Path for details, updates, and prayer requests, and she mentioned how she and her husband had always trusted God with the size of their family. Ever since then, it’s been on my heart that God might want the same from Louis and I.
The only problem? It scares the poop out of me. The idea of going through labour and delivery over and over again is NOT appealing. Yes, afterward the children are always worth it. I’m just having a hard time putting the idea of intense pain to the side. I also struggle with depression on the best of days, and post-partum depression; things that are also not fun and would probably be worse with the stress of more kids. I worry how I might be able to handle more kids. I know God won’t give me more than I can handle..but I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it well.
I know that fear isn’t of God. I know that this is Satan trying to distance me from God and His will for me. I’m just having a very difficult time letting go of this tiny bit of control that I can pretend I have.
I’ve been doing lots of research on the Quiverfull topic lately online, and have purchased a couple of books as well. The Duggars’ book “20 and Counting” is fantastic; I’m already reading it the second time through. We also found a book called Family Unplanning. I tried going through it quickly on my own but it’s a very dry book; now something to just skim through. It is FULL of scripture though, and I would still recommend it. My husband and I have started going through the book together, looking up the scripture references in our study Bibles to get the most out of it.
We both know that God wants us to trust Him fully. We know that God loves us and wants us to grow in Him; we have to depends on Him to take care of us. Before I was trying to think of a reason why God would maybe not want this path for our family, but why would he ever want a couple to not trust Him fully? I can’t think of any reason God would want us to take something into our own hands instead of putting it in His.
Please pray for us that God would prepare our hearts for this huge journey ahead of us. Even several of our Christian friends think we’re nuts to even consider it. Please also pray for our current children that they would be prepared as well.
Father God, you are holy and above all things. You know all and see all. You want for us to follow You in every aspect of our lives. You want us to trust You take care of us, as Your word promises. Please cast away any fear that is holding us back. Please prepare my family for what lies ahead. Amen