My husband has been grabbing various gardening books from thrift stores and one of them I think has become one of my favourites, just because of some of the humour they put into it.
The book, entitled Fruits and Vegetables: Growing Your Own, by Rand McNally, has a section in the book devoted to common garden pests. Here are two of the entries:
Adult Humans: They walk all around compacting the soil, feeling the fruit to see if its [sic] ready and picking eatables to “help”. They often suggest that everything you are doing should be done another way. Smile, spend a little time with them to explain the hows and whys of what you do and you soon will have a real helper.
Children: See adult humans. Also, odd and unusual damage, such as minutely shredded leaves or artistic etchings on your vegetables, may be traced to children.