I’m really struggling with trusting God with the size of our family. I knew that after Josiah was born I’d have a hard time with this. I had myself all convinced that we can do this, we WOULD do this, and God will take care of us.
And yet I still don’t feel safe without birth control.
I feel like such a hypocrite.
I really do want to trust God with our family size. I think it is what He wants from us. After all, why would He want us to not trust Him in any way?
I’m still scared.
Thinking about it, the part that scares me the most is the fear of going into labour alone with my children, and not knowing who could take them. Of course, labour itself is no fun either.
I don’t consider myself a control freak. I’m usually pretty easy-going. Part of this is due to a total lack of self-confidence as I grew up; I never felt like I was good enough to lead or be in control, so I just went along with the flow, trying not to be noticed too much.
When it comes to going into labour, I would have absolutely NO control, and I think that is the part that bugs me. I have fast labours. Hubby works an hour away. It’s hard enough to find someone to take the kids WITH notice, let alone a random phone call saying “you need to take them.”
This is still not trusting God to take care of us though! My faith is severely lacking.
The first command in the Bible is to “be fruitful and multiply.” (Gen. 1:28) Yup, the first command that God gave mankind. I truly believe that to have significance; I don’t think there are coincidences with God!
Be fruitful and multiply.
This speaks pretty clearly to me, yet fear is still keeping me back. Please pray for me, that I (well, Louis and I both of course!) would be able to conquer this fear and take the path God has for us with courage and peace.
P.S. Go figure…as I’m writing this, Louis sent me a message from work saying that he really feels we should stop using birth control, despite our fears, and put it in God’s hands. Then a coworker came into his office and the topic got onto how his grandma had 18 kids and his father had 7, and his dad never regretted having a large family. Prompt, isn’t He?